Friday, December 31, 2010

Ever have one of these days?

So I am at work, just working away trying to get a few things done before a 3 day weekend when I notice my zipper looks all caddy wompus. So I go to the loo to check it out and see what the frick is going on with my new jeans. So my zipper is broke and I am livid, I just bought these on clearance but clearance is still supposed to function right??? So I grab my purse ( luckily my purse passes as a carry on bag and I can hide the front of my body down to my knees) after checking with some people to see if they happen to have a safety pin until I can get home and do some investigating. Luckily I drove my own car that day. So I decide to hit up the dollar store, they have to have safety pins right? NOPE, loads of 100 year old candy, spatulas in every color, and broken picture frames but no "sewing department" (clerks words not mine..). Are you kidding me dollar store, you sell micorwave dinners, you have a freezer isle but no pins. Ok...deep breath, I will just run across the street to Walgreens and if they don't have any, I am calling it a day ( I really am this dramatic). So I get there and I walk up and down all the isles and I don't see them. At this point I am just ready to just pick up some super glue. So I find an employee and I ask where they are.."oh in between automotive and pets"....why didn't I think of that. Really? So I see them and although they look like they were made in the 70s for cloth diapers, I grab them. I don't want to just get the pins because in my head this alerts the Walgreens folks of "an issue" so I grab a dog toy ( I know...pack of gum anyone..normal..) and head for the counter. So I am looking around and I don't see anyone, I am yell "Hellllo" when I see a lady sitting on a cardboard box behind the counter. So I say..."Ummm do you work here or are you hiding from the law?" "Oh, yeah dear, it's just really slow right now.."Apparently at Walgreens you can just hide out in slow times..note to self...retire...sleep at Walgreens...collect paycheck. So she loads my items ( I THINK) and use the debit machine and then I'm like "Can I use the restroom?" To which she replies "Sure honey, but someone will have to code you in." So she pages out ..."Will someone let this young lady in the bathroom." STOP- I am serious right now, I can't make this stuff up. So I get "coded" in apparently I pass the homeless test (another blog for another day) and I look in my bag and realize (now reader, imagine my face here) that she didn't scan, pack, or load the freakin pins. So I bolt out of the bathroom like the worst shoplifter ever and scan the counter, I focus in on the pins like an eagle with it's prey. I storm up to the counter in true teenage fashion, eyes rolled, huffing, and say to this sweet 70 somthing lady..."Excuuuuuse meeeeee, you didn't ring these up." "Oh, sorry dear." I'm all whatever like and getting ready for my dramtic exit. There is no wat in H-E-L-L that I am going to ask to use the loo again. So I get outside and I realize that I am the biggest prick in the world and I go back in to apologize to this lady. So I tell her all about my "bad day" and she is really nice about it. I mean I was practically like pull up some cardboard for me sista. So then I leave and I think I will run to DQ for a slush thing and just use their loo. So I get there and do the best stitch job I can do (ok, reader, I know right now you are rolling your eyes and thinking how freaking big is this zipper area, and to that I say "Piss off, you don't want the pin to show stupid!") Well all the kids are on winter break and I don't feel up to watching 13 year olds make out in line, all the while deciding what they can get with their 5 bucks for 4 people so I bolt. Apparently they don't care about the homeless test. So I get back to work exhausted, frustrated like I just performed brain surgery as opposed to riggin a zipper and figure I can hide out for my last 2 hours of the day....

P.S. I know who you are clearance pants company and I don't forget!

Sunday, November 28, 2010

The case of the mysterious wrist darkening...

Recently and not so recently I have been getting a few comments on my wrist. Sometimes, someone will be like "Oh no, how did you get that bruise" other times it is "What's that on your wrist..". So here is the story I have this "thing" on my wrist. I can trace it back to a trip we took to New Orleans. I bought a rope bracelet there. You know the kind that means something and you're not supposed to take it off, it falls off. You following me? So anyway, years passed the thing has fallen off and there is still a marking. My theory has always been that it has to do with some New Orleans magical power or something. Truth is I've gotten used to it so I am always suprised when someone asks about it.

Enough is enough. I've finally decided to do some experiments and testing to see what it is and to see if my theory is right. So I took it to the "advice group" at work I always use. The smokers. Stay with me, it makes sense. I don't smoke but I can count on them for the following. They are always there (the DSS) and there is usually a mix of folks, and they take their time discussing things, no one is in a hurry to finish the cig. So the group was spilt half and half between dry skin and some bacterial infection (I believe someone got on their phone and did some WebMD magic but it was inconclusive).

So..I've decided to start treatment. I bought some expensive (I think it was 6 bucks) lotion and asked Rhino to pick me up some bacterial cream at the store. C'mon before you go ewww we've been together for 10 years and he has been on the wrist adventure this whole time, it's only fair to let him join in. So get this...he comes home with jock itch topical cream. Before I can go into how this can not be right, he states very matter of factly that it says "antifungal cream". HA, I say so you think it's a fungus. To which he responds you told me to get cream I got cream now you're mad at me cos you may have fungus. Seeing as neither of us are going to win this battle we just laugh it off. Long story short, I've been using the jock itch, expect Thanksgiving, I was prepping food people, I'm not a monster. And I think that mixed with my expensive 6 dollar lotion there is progress. It's too soon to say I am on the mend but hope has been restored. I can't wait to show all the smokers at work tomorrow.

Saturday, November 27, 2010

10 random things while I make a playlist.

1. I love to sing out loud at the top of my lungs.  Right now it's Florence Welch but I like to mix some Chan Marshall and Jenny Lewis in. Stuart Murdoch is the only male I sing along to. I think it has to do with my theory that he is the "male" me. Freud party of two....

2. I am an ENFJ and as far as personality tests go I take that crap very seriously. I do admit I was suprised to get an E (extraversion) but even the facilitator laughed when I mentioned it and she knew me for a total of 3 hours. N and F are spot on. J well let's just say I make lists to make lists. I enjoy organization but I realize I've been at different stages of OCD in my life and I am continuously working on that.

3. I hate grammer but have a secret desire to be good at it. Truth is I have a really horrible memory and have years blocked out. So when I say I really don't remember learning that, I'm not being a smart ass.

4. My husband is an amazing human being and I'm not just saying that because he is my husband BUT because he is a good man.

5. I have an addictive personality but I am also pretty laxed. It's the most ridiculous combination ever. Both things have been bad news for me at certain times in life.

6. I am obsessed with the Bronte family and hope to write a biography on Emily Bronte. I dream about going to England and starting my research.

7. I love stationary, seriously it's an ADDICTION. I spend an afternoon one Saturday a month and do correspondence. I even found some wax stamps online and ran around the house all excited. My pen pal (high school friend Patty) and I write letters to each other all the time. Sometimes, they make total sense and are just your average letters, other times they are from another time or are stories we made up. It always makes my day when I come home to a letter.

8. I believe that people can change/evolve. It's the letting them in our minds that's the hard party. I am guilty of this.

9. I am wary of people that dogs and kids don't like.

10. I realize this mix has a lot of Bruno Mars. I like him. Lol. Go ahead and judge.